Today and What's Not So Much Left of It

Wow today was depressing not a specific thing was depressing but just the whole day in general was a big depressed mess for me. I think I'm about to start learing new things about life and I think I'm about to have some growing pains. I don't know why but that's just a guess. I felt this way right before my life changed and while it was changing and I was going through some growing pains which was for about a year and a half. I don't know how long it will be this time but I think I'm in for some major changes but as I said I have no evidence other than depression to back this up and I very well(to my delight) could be wrong. I wonder where God is taking my life? I screwed up today and looked at porno and I did yesterday too. I just gotta go on for tomarrow is another day. I regret it, I'm sorry I did it and I admit that I screwed up and I just gotta learn from my mistakes. The days go on thought and just gotta keep pushin. Being depressed pulls me away from God most of all and everything else. When I'm depressed it's hard to talk to him and it's hard to worship and I must keep my mentality of "Need It To Survive" when it comes to spending daily time with God. I am in a funk and I don't know what to do exactally to get out, especially since I don't know what I did to get myself in it. I am finding latly that I am missing the company of a woman. I seemed to have really started missing it within the last two weeks. I also know that this is not a good time at all for me to get into a relationship. In fact it is probally one of the worst times because I will rush things too fast and just not think right. It would do nothing but screw me up. The more I miss it the more I know that I would not be able to handle myself in most scenarios with her and me alone. I know of a girl I could hook up with but she is a heffor and I need not to be desperate. I think if my way of thinking and my mood does not change within two weeks I will need to pay a visit to two of my good friends Art and Doc Ozden. I need to get an appointment with Doc Ozden anyhow to discuss my medication. Well folks another exciting view on what is going on in my head. Keep me in your prayers.
Adam 10/20/04 10:50 p.m. - 11:10 p.m.